The 3 little fingers that could

I type with only three fingers: the thumb and index finger of my left hand and the middle finger of my right. By no stretch of the imagination is this a formula for success. I don’t swear by it, it’s just a bad habit I’ve developed over 21 years of punching a living out of a keyboard. It still does the job.

Want ek kan

Party mense glo jy gebruik net 10% van jou brein. Dis ’n mite, ek weet, maar ek wonder of dit ook vir jou vingers geld. Dink net aan al die wonderbaarlike spitsvondighede wat ek sou kon kwyt raak as ek ál tien van my vingers kon gebruik. Fantastiese woorde van skerpsinnigheid en kennis sou vrylik uit my vingers vloei. Woorde van verbasende wysheid en oorstelpende inspirasie.

Of nie. Tik was nog nooit my forté nie.

Instead, I’m limited by three little soldiers.

Duimpie, Duimpie-se-maat, en Langeraad. Dis Fielafooi en Piepie-innie-kooi wat nog altyd lyf wegsteek. This little piggy went to market with only two friends and to hell with the rest.

My three typing fingers demand to be kept busy, though, and it’s not as though they’re not busy already! I eke out a meagre living – by anyone’s standards – doing all sorts of other things with words and I actually have no time to waste on this drivel.

Yet, here we are. A blog. I just couldn’t help myself.

Late to the party, but dressed to impress. Hier klim ek nou pens en pootjies by die ding in.

Ek neem my voor om ten minste een keer per week oor goed wat my kwaad maak te skryf, asook dinge wat my verveel. I’ll write in the two languages I know: English and Afrikaans. Dis my trots en my verantwoordelikheid. (Soms in dieselfde blog, maar nooit in dieselfde sin nie, want dit sou net slordig raak.)

I may prevaricate on grand topics, or prattle on perfunctorily. I’ll write about stuff I’ve seen or heard … movies that bored me to tears, food that gave me indigestion. Gay things, straight things, the amorphous and the androgynous. (I’ll probably write about politics at some point, be warned. One has to keep current.) But I’ll always take up only a few minutes of your mind space.

Please keep your panties on

Die hele ding is net drie vingers lank, liewe leser. Ek belowe. Moet dit tog nie te ernstig opneem nie. Dink daaraan as elektroniese ontspanningsliteratuur, want ek meen nie om fantastiese strategieë te toets of aardskuddende menings te lug nie. Al klink dit so.

These words probably won’t change your life. Read them and weep (with me). Or laugh. You may also ridicule, mock or lambaste me, but I probably won’t respond to that nonsense. Enjoy it as a bit of light, weekly entertainment, an amuse bouche for the brain, or just because you don’t have anything better to do. I’ll certainly enjoy cranking something out of my keyboard for you once a week … with only three little fingers that won’t give up trying to do the job of ten.

 

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